In the last few months I’ve had some conversations with friends and family about my grieving process after losing my son two and a half years ago. I’ve learned that many don’t know what to do or say to someone who is grieving. To be honest I really didn’t know myself before my loss, so I thought I would share my thoughts about this topic and what was comforting to me.
Grief Expert, John Welshons, author of Awakening From Grief, says, “When a friend loses a loved one, our hearts ache for them. We want so much to comfort, soothe and make things better, yet we end up sputtering out the wrong words because we don’t know what to say when someone dies. We’re trained not to discuss death. On top of that, we’re uncomfortable with silence, crying and sharing someone’s grief, so we try to fix grief instead.”
The hardest thing for me is silence. If you are unsure as to what to say or do simply give a hug and tell them you are sorry and that you love them. That’s all. We aren’t looking for advice, just a feeling that we aren’t alone and that we are loved.
I know that every word spoken to me was said with good intentions. I’m so very blessed with good friends and family who love me and took care of me. I appreciated every word, hug, and call I received. For many like myself we need those things even after a few months or even years. When I was talking to others who have lost children they, like me, felt like maybe everyone forgets about their child and what they’ve gone through. I’m pretty sure it’s not forgetfulness it’s just that many don’t want to bring up bad memories and want to be sensitive to our feelings. Actually the opposite is true in my case. I don’t want anyone to forget Jeremy. I enjoy talking about him and the awesome person he was. It doesn’t hurt for me to talk about my experience, in fact, it’s theraputic for me. I worry more about making the other person uncomfortable. Please know if you are comfortable talking most who are grieving will appreciate you bringing their loved one up.
Some times in our efforts to soothe and make things better the wrong words may come out. Some words to avoid are:
- Everything happens for a reason.
- He’s in a better place now.
- I know what you’re going through.
- Time heals.
- Any sentence that starts with “At least….”
- Be thankful…..
Some good things to say are:
- I’m here for you.
- I’m coming over to give you a hug and to bring you dinner.
- Share you favorite memory of the deceased or say tell me about your beautiful child.
- I love you.
- I’m so sorry.
- Take your time with your grief.
- What do you need most today?
- My heart breaks for you.
We all go through hard things. Even if it’s not a death of someone special it may feel like grief. I think these do’s and don’ts would be helpful in most situations where someone is hurting. I have learned so much through this process and hope I can be a better friend to those who need me.
Does anyone have any further advice?
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When grief feels raw, a hug and Iamsorry can matter more than trying to fix it.
Exactly after 2weeks I met Dr. Oyagu , he got me cured from my 3 years of silent pains, i just needed to get the items and he got the medicines prepared and sent to me through UPS, I followed his prescriptions and daily routine prayers and the end seems like a miracle that I was totally cured of my HSV2 herpes disease, I was totally cured from my Genital Herpes within a short period of time which was just 2weeks . Doctor Oyagu is so powerful and genuine man, his herbal medicine works for real, I used his herbal medicine and I confirmed it…. very effective herbal medicine for eliminating herpes virus forever is what Doctor Oyagu do make. I’m so glad to have contacted doctor Oyagu for help and here I’m today totally cured from HSV2. Thank you so much Dr. Oyagu and God bless you for all you’ve done for me, I’ll keep testifying about your good work and how powerful and effective your herbal medicine is in eradicating the Herpes Simplex Virus. Doctor Oyagu can be reached on WhatsApp with his contact number: +2348101755322. He is also available on EMAIL: oyaguherbalhome@gmail.com or website oyaguspellcaster.wixsite.com/oyaguherbalhome
Hello viewers, am here to share my amazing testimony with you all about a great spell caster called Dr Ogaga I have never seen a powerful spell caster like him before, I have been playing lotto for years now and I have never won any reasonable amount of money, I met Dr Ogaga online through a testimony I saw on line about a man who won $11,000,000 through Dr Ogagas help and i also decided to contact him to see if I could also be lucky, I contacted him and he assured me that he will help me win too and that he has helped a lot of people all over the world, at first I was a bit skeptical about it but I decided to give it a try anyways since I have nothing to loos, he instructed me on what I needed to do which I did without and stress at all and on the second day after the prayers he sent me some numbers and asked me to go and play them I quickly went to the store and play the number and the next result day I went to check, WOW I couldn’t believe my eye the exact numbers he gave me was the winning numbers that was on the machine that was how I became a millionaire just like that, I can never stop sharing this testimony for all to see, my friends if you happen to come across this post make sure you contact him too and be the next winner.
Email ogagaodia41@gmail.com
WhatsApp +1(365)350-5955.