I’m Done Having Babies

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When do you know your done having children? The answer is you don’t. At least in my case. I think I will always have that feeling that “Oh ya I could have one more!” or “Look at how cute those little toes are, we could do that again!” But at some point you think I cant have babies forever no matter how adorable and squishy they are. Babies are a lot of work and expense and for some families its just not a reality to have any more.

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At the time when you make a decision to be done and take precautions to stop having babies, no matter what that might be, and you feel really good about it there are some things that you are never prepared for like the void you feel. No longer will you feel that baby in your body having hiccups or kicking when you eat some spicy food. No longer will you lay on the table in the delivery room waiting anxiously to hear your baby cry and know he/she is healthy. No longer will you cradle that little head in your hands or pick up that little body and have their cute little bum stick out. You won’t have that baby to feed and need you every 3 hours for the next year!

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With my last baby I felt like yes you are my last and I am going to cherish every moment I have with you because I will never get to do this again. For me I have forgotten many of those “last times” and it’s been hard on me. I don’t remember the last time I breastfed him or the last time he was swaddled up in his blankie or the last time he fell asleep on me. Then you realize time is slipping away and maybe we should have another little baby so we can do this all over again and I will really make sure to cherish those precious moments because I’m not ready it to be done! But, that’s not realistic and I have come to know that. That part of my life is over.

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It gets easier once you really make the decision to stop. You can hold your brand new niece (Who is the most beautiful baby by the way!) and not feel jealous you don’t have your own baby. You will get a whole nights sleep and not change diapers every 3 hours and be able to get your kids in the car without taking 20 minutes to check the diaper bag and check car seats.

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 You have new things to look forward to. My girls are 8 and recently got baptized and now are so grown up! We can talk about things together and have real conversations! They can share their excitement over something cool and then share their fears with me. They are so helpful around our home and with their siblings. We went to a local amusement park a couple weeks ago and we were able to ride all the rides together! To see the joy on their faces makes me so happy. I wouldn’t have had that experience with them when they are younger.

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When I was younger the thought of having kids was filled with babies and how I will get to rock them to sleep and wear them around and dress them in cute little outfits. While that’s all true I never thought about how much fun older children are! They are so much fun!

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Now my kids aren’t that old yet and I still have a toddler running around, but already I can see how close we have all become and instead of having a ragged mother who can barely shower because she is sleep deprived and is too tired to get down and play with them I feel like now I have the time to really know my kids and to spend some quality time with them and I can tell a difference in our relationship.

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I feel like I am rambling in this post and I apologize, but this has been on my mind for a while now and I know I can’t be the only one who feels this way. How do you other mothers deal with this decision? What are you thoughts?

 

 

Jessica About Jessica

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